Each Person is Unique

My dear sisters, each of you is unique. You are different from each other in many ways. There are those of you who are married. Some of you stay at home with your children, while others of you work outside your homes. Some of you are empty-nesters. There are those of you who are married but do not have children. There are those who are divorced, those who are widowed. Many of you are single women. Some of you have college degrees; some of you do not. There are those who can afford the latest fashions and those who are lucky to have one appropriate Sunday outfit. Such differences are almost endless. Do these differences tempt us to judge one another?

Mother Teresa, a Catholic nun who worked among the poor in India most of her life, spoke this profound truth: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” The Savior has admonished, “This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.” I ask: Can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? And I answer—with Mother Teresa—“No; we cannot” (General Relief Society Meeting, September 25, 2010).

Courage to Refrain From Judging

May I speak first about the courage to refrain from judging others. Oh, you may ask, “Does this really take courage?” And I would reply that I believe there are many times when refraining from judgment—or gossip or criticism, which are certainly akin to judgment—takes an act of courage.

Unfortunately, there are those who feel it necessary to criticize and to belittle others. You have, no doubt, been with such people, as you will be in the future. My dear young friends, we are not left to wonder what our behavior should be in such situations. In the Sermon on the Mount, the Savior declared, “Judge not.” At a later time He admonished, “Cease to find fault one with another.” It will take real courage when you are surrounded by your peers and feeling the pressure to participate in such criticisms and judgments to refrain from joining in.

I would venture to say that there are young women around you who, because of your unkind comments and criticism, are often left out. It seems to be the pattern, particularly at this time in your lives, to avoid or to be unkind to those who might be judged different, those who don’t fit the mold of what we or others think they should be.

The Savior said:

“A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another. …

“By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”

Thomas S. Monson, “May You Have Courage,” Liahona, May 2009, 123–27

The Danger of Labels

Sometimes cities and nations bear special labels of identity. Such was a cold and very old city in eastern Canada. The missionaries called it “Stony Kingston.” There had been but one convert to the Church in six years, even though missionaries had been continuously assigned there during the entire interval. No one baptized in Kingston. Just ask any missionary who labored there. Time in Kingston was marked on the calendar like days in prison. A missionary transfer to another place—any place—would be uppermost in thoughts, even in dreams.

While I was praying about and pondering this sad dilemma, for my responsibility then as a mission president required that I pray and ponder about such things, my wife called to my attention an excerpt from the book A Child’s Story of the Prophet Brigham Young. She read aloud that Brigham Young (1801–77) entered Kingston, Ontario, on a cold and snow-filled day. He labored there about 30 days and baptized 45 souls. Here was the answer. If the missionary Brigham Young could accomplish this harvest, so could the missionaries of today.

Without providing an explanation, I withdrew the missionaries from Kingston, that the cycle of defeat might be broken. Then the carefully circulated word: “Soon a new city will be opened for missionary work, even the city where Brigham Young proselyted and baptized 45 persons in 30 days.” The missionaries speculated as to the location. Their weekly letters pleaded for the assignment to this Shangri-la. More time passed. Then four carefully selected missionaries—two of them new, two of them experienced—were chosen for this high adventure. The members of the small branch pledged their support. The missionaries pledged their lives. The Lord honored both.

In the space of three months, Kingston became the most productive city of the Canadian Mission. The grey limestone buildings still stood; the city had not altered its appearance; the population remained constant. The change was one of attitude. The label of doubt yielded to the label of faith.

Thomas S. Monson, “Labels,” Liahona, Sep 2000, 2

Patience With Young People

A proper perspective of our young men is absolutely essential for those called to serve them. They are young, pliable, eager, and filled with unlimited energy. Sometimes they make mistakes. I remember a meeting where we of the First Presidency and the Twelve were reviewing a youthful mistake made by a missionary. The tone was serious and rather critical, when Elder LeGrand Richards said, “Now, brethren, if the good Lord wanted to put a forty-year-old head on a nineteen-year-old body, He would have done so. But He didn’t. He placed a nineteen-year-old head on a nineteen-year-old body, and we should be a bit more understanding.” The mood of the group changed, the problem was solved, and we moved on with the meeting.

Thomas S. Monson, “‘Called to Serve’,” Ensign, Oct 1991, 46

When is the last time you thanked your parents for the service they gave you? Following are thoughts from Thomas S. Monson, Mormon prophet, on the sacredness of parenthood and our responsibility to love and honor our parents.

Giving Thanks for Parents

“First, may I ask that we express thanks to our parents for life, for caring, for sacrificing, for laboring to provide a knowledge of our Heavenly Father’s plan for happiness.

“From Sinai the words thunder to our conscience, ‘Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee’ (Exodus 20:12).”

Thomas S. Monson, “The Profound Power of Gratitude,” Ensign, Sept. 2005, 4

A Parent’s Hope

It has been universally bestowed on each of us. Ours was the divine privilege to depart our heavenly home to tabernacle in the flesh and to demonstrate by our lives our worthiness and qualifications to one day return to Heavenly Father, to precious loved ones, and to a kingdom called celestial. Our mothers and our fathers bestowed this marvelous gift on us. Ours is the responsibility to show our gratitude by the actions of our lives.

My own father, a printer, gave me a copy of a piece he had printed. It was titled “A Letter from a Father” and concluded with this thought: “Perhaps my greatest hope as a parent is to have such a relationship with you that when the day comes and you look down into the face of your first child, you will feel deep within you the desire to be to your child the kind of parent your dad has tried to be to you. What greater compliment could any man ask? Love, Dad.”

Our gratitude to Mother for the gift of birth is equal or beyond that owed to Father. She who looked upon us as “a sweet new blossom of humanity, fresh fallen from God’s own home, to flower on earth”and cared for our every need, comforted our every cry, and later rejoiced in any of our accomplishments and wept over our failures and disappointments occupies a singular place of honor in our hearts.

A passage from 3 John sets forth the formula whereby we might express to our parents our gratitude for the gift of birth: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”Let us so walk. Let us so honor the givers of this priceless gift of birth.

Thomas S. Monson, “Treasured Gifts,” Liahona, Dec 2006, 2–8

What Children Really Need

The place of parents in the home and family is of vital importance as we examine our personal responsibilities in this regard. A distinguished group met in conference to examine the increase of violence in the lives of individuals, particularly the young. Some observations from their deliberations are helpful to us as we examine our priorities:

“A society that views graphic violence as entertainment … should not be surprised when senseless violence shatters the dreams of its youngest and brightest. …

“… Unemployment and despair can lead to desperation. But most people will not commit desperate acts if they have been taught that dignity, honesty and integrity are more important than revenge or rage; if they understand that respect and kindness ultimately give one a better chance at success. …

“The women of the anti-violence summit have hit on the solution—the only one that can reverse a downward spiral of destructive behavior and senseless pain. A return to old-fashioned family values will work wonders.”

So frequently we mistakenly believe that our children need more things, when in reality their silent pleadings are simply for more of our time. The accumulation of wealth or the multiplication of assets belies the Master’s teachings:

“Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:

“But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:

“For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”

One evening I saw large masses of parents and children crossing an intersection in Salt Lake City en route to a large arena to see a production of Beauty and the Beast. I actually pulled my car over to the curb to watch the gleeful throng. Fathers, who I am certain were cajoled into going to the event, held tightly in their hands the small and clutching hands of their precious children. Here was love in action. Here was an unspoken sermon of caring. Here was a rearrangement of time as a God-given priority.

Truly peace will reign triumphant when we improve ourselves after the pattern taught by the Lord. Then we will appreciate the deep spirituality hidden behind the simple words of a familiar hymn: “There is beauty all around When there’s love at home.”

Thomas S. Monson, “Finding Peace,” Liahona, Mar 2004, 3

Rescuing Lost Children

Perhaps an oft-repeated scene will bring closer to home your personal opportunity to reach out to rescue. Let us look in on a family with a son named Jack. Throughout Jack’s early life, he and his father had many serious arguments. One day when he was 17, they had a particularly agitated one. Jack said to his father, “This is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. I’m leaving home, and I will never return!” He went to his room and packed a bag. His mother begged him to stay, but he was too angry to listen. He left her crying in the doorway.

Leaving the yard, he was about to pass through the gate when he heard his father call to him, “Jack, I know that a large share of the blame for your leaving rests with me. For this I am truly sorry. I want you to know that if you should ever wish to return home, you’ll always be welcome. And I’ll try to be a better father to you. I want you to know that I love you, and I’ll always love you.”

Jack said nothing but went to the bus station and bought a ticket to a distant point. As he sat in the bus watching the miles go by, his thoughts turned to the words of his father. He began to realize how much courage, how much love had been required for his father to say what he had said. Dad had apologized. He had invited him back and had left the words ringing in the summer air, “I love you.”

Jack knew that the next move was up to him. He realized the only way he could ever find peace with himself was to demonstrate to his father the same kind of maturity, goodness, and love that Dad had shown toward him. Jack got off the bus. He bought a return ticket and began the journey home.

He arrived shortly after midnight, entered the house, and turned on the light. There in the rocking chair sat his father, his head bowed. As he looked up and saw Jack, he arose from the chair; they rushed into each other’s arms. Jack later said, “Those last years that I was home were among the happiest of my life.”

Here was a father who, suppressing passion and bridling pride, reached out to rescue his son before he became one of that vast “lost battalion” resulting from fractured families and shattered homes. Love was the binding band, the healing balm; love so often felt, so seldom expressed.

From Mount Sinai there thunders in our ears, “Honour thy father and thy mother” (Ex. 20:12), and later, from that same God, the injunction, “Live together in love” (D&C 42:45).

Thomas S. Monson, “Heavenly Homes, Forever Families,” Liahona, Jun 2006, 66–71

Helping Children to be Reverent

Note: Primary is an auxiliary for children ages 18 months to twelve years of age.

Everything wasn’t bliss in our ward Primary, for boys will be boys. The laughter of the boys and the chatter of the girls at times must have been most disconcerting to our Primary leaders.

One day as we left the chapel for our classrooms, I noted that our Primary president remained behind. I paused and observed her. She sat all alone on the front row of the benches, took out her handkerchief, and began to weep. I walked up to her and said, “Sister Georgell, don’t cry.”

She said, “I’m sad.”

I responded, “What’s the matter?”

She said, “I can’t control the Trail Builders. Will you help me?”

Of course I answered, “Yes.”

She said, “Oh, that would be wonderful, Tommy, if you would.”

What I didn’t know then is that I was the source of her tears. She had effectively enlisted me to aid in achieving reverence in our Primary. And we did.

The years flew by. When Melissa Georgell was in her nineties, she lived in a nursing facility in the northwest part of Salt Lake City. One year just before Christmas, I determined to visit my beloved Primary president. Over the car radio I heard the music of familiar Christmas carols: “Hark! the Herald Angels Sing,” “O Little Town of Bethlehem,” and many others. I reflected on the visit made by wise men those long years ago and the visit made by us boys when we portrayed the wise men in the pageant. The wise men brought precious gifts to the Christ child. I brought to Melissa only the gift of love and a desire to say “Thank you.”

I found her in the lunch room. She was staring at her plate of food, teasing it with the fork she held in her aged hand. Not a bite did she eat. As I spoke to her, my words were met by a benign but blank stare. I gently took her fork from her and began to feed her, talking all the time I did so about her service to boys and girls as a Primary worker and the joy which was mine to have later served as her bishop. You know, there wasn’t even a glimmer of recognition, far less a spoken word. Two other residents of the nursing home gazed at me with puzzled expressions. At last they spoke, saying, “She doesn’t know anyone—even her own family. She hasn’t said a word for a long, long time.”

Luncheon ended. My one-sided conversation wound down. I stood to leave. I held her frail hand in mine and gazed into her wrinkled but beautiful countenance and said, “God bless you, Melissa, and merry Christmas.”

Without warning, she spoke the words, “I know you. You’re Tommy Monson, my Primary boy. How I love you.”

She pressed my hand to her lips and bestowed on it the kiss of love. Tears coursed down her cheeks and bathed our clasped hands. Those hands, that day, were hallowed by heaven and graced by God. The herald angels did sing, for I heard them in my heart.

The words of the Master seemed to have a personal meaning never before fully felt: “Woman, behold thy son!” And to his disciple, “Behold thy mother!”

Thomas S. Monson, “Primary Days,” Ensign, Apr 1994, 65–68

Reverence in the Home

“The first and foremost opportunity for teaching in the Church lies in the home,” 17 observed President David O. McKay. “A true Mormon home is one in which if Christ should chance to enter, he would be pleased to linger and to rest.”

What are we doing to ensure that our homes meet this description? It isn’t enough for parents alone to have strong testimonies. Children can ride only so long on the coattails of a parent’s conviction.

A love for the Savior, a reverence for His name, and genuine respect one for another will provide a fertile seedbed for a testimony to grow.

Learning the gospel, bearing a testimony, leading a family are rarely if ever simple processes. Life’s journey is characterized by bumps in the road, swells in the sea—even the turbulence of our times.

Thomas S. Monson, “Hallmarks of a Happy Home,” Liahona, Oct 2001, 3

Reverence Through Service to God

We demonstrate our love by how well we serve our God. Remember when the Prophet Joseph Smith went to John E. Page and said to him, “Brother Page, you have been called on a mission to Canada.”

Brother Page, struggling for an excuse, said, “Brother Joseph, I can’t go to Canada. I don’t have a coat to wear.”

The Prophet took off his own coat, handed it to John Page, and said, “Wear this,and the Lord will bless you.”

John Page went on his mission to Canada. In two years he walked something like 8,000 kilometers and baptized 600 converts.  He was successful because he responded to an opportunity to serve his God.

Thomas S. Monson, “How Do We Show Our Love?,” Liahona, Feb 1998, 3

Reverence Through Testimony of Jesus Christ

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me and the love Jesus offers you. I think of the love he provided in Gethsemane. I think of the love he provided in the wilderness. I think of the love he provided at the tomb of Lazarus; of the love he demonstrated on Golgotha’s hill, at the open tomb, and, yes, when he appeared in that sacred grove with his Father and spoke those memorable words to Joseph Smith. I thank God for his love in sharing his Only Begotten Son in the flesh, even Jesus Christ, for you and me. I thank the Lord for the love he demonstrated by providing his life, that we might have life eternal.

Jesus is more than a teacher. Jesus is the Savior of the world. He is the Redeemer of all mankind. He is the Son of God. He showed the way. You may recall that Jesus filled his mind with truth; Jesus filled his life with service; Jesus filled his heart with love. When we follow that example, we shall never hear those words of rebuke that came from the parables. We shall never find that we have empty lamps. We shall never be considered unprofitable servants. We shall never determine that we have been found unfruitful in the kingdom of God. Rather, when you and I follow carefully the parts of this formula and literally fill our minds with truth, fill our lives with service, and fill our hearts with love, we may qualify to hear one day that statement of our Savior, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord” (Matt. 25:21).

Thomas S. Monson, “Formula for Success,” Liahona, Aug 1995, 3

I thank my Father in Heaven for my sweet companion, Frances. This October she and I will celebrate 60 wonderful years of marriage. Although my Church service began at an early age, she has never once complained when I’ve left home to attend meetings or to fulfill an assignment. For many years my assignments as a member of the Twelve took me away from Salt Lake City often-sometimes for five weeks at a time-leaving her alone to care for our small children and our home. Beginning when I was called as a bishop at the age of 22, we have seldom had the luxury of sitting together during a Church service. I could not have asked for a more loyal, loving, and understanding companion.

Thomas S. Monson, “Looking Back and Moving Forward,” Ensign, May 2008, 87-90

“Home is where the heart is.” It does take “a heap o’ livin’ ” to make a house a home. 4 “Home, home, sweet, sweet home, Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home.” 5 We turn from the reverie of such pleasant recollections. We contemplate parents gone, family grown, childhood vanished. Slowly but surely we face the truth that we are responsible for the home we build. We must build wisely, for eternity is not a short voyage. There will be calm and wind, sunlight and shadows, joy and sorrow. But if we really try, our home can be a bit of heaven here on earth. The thoughts we think, the deeds we do, the lives we live influence not only the success of our earthly journey; they mark the way to our eternal goals.

In 1995 the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles issued a proclamation to the world concerning the family. This proclamation states, in part: “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities.” 6

Happy homes come in a variety of appearances. Some feature large families with father, mother, brothers, and sisters living together in a spirit of love. Others consist of a single parent with one or two children, while other homes have but one occupant. There are, however, identifying features which are to be found in a happy home, whatever the number or description of its family members. I refer to these as “Hallmarks of a Happy Home.” They consist of:

1. A pattern of prayer.

2. A library of learning.

3. A legacy of love.

4. A treasury of testimony.

Thomas S. Monson, “Hallmarks of a Happy Home,” Ensign, Oct 2001, 2-8

On October 7, my wife, Frances, and I will have been married forty years. Our marriage took place just to the east of us in the holy temple. He who performed the ceremony, Benjamin Bowring, counseled us: “May I offer you newlyweds a formula which will ensure that any disagreement you may have will last no longer than one day? Every night kneel by the side of your bed. One night, Brother Monson, you offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. The next night you, Sister Monson, offer the prayer, aloud, on bended knee. I can then assure you that any misunderstanding that develops during the day will vanish as you pray. You simply can’t pray together and retain any but the best of feelings toward one another.”

When I was called to the Council of the Twelve just twenty-five years ago this weekend, President McKay asked me concerning my family. I related to him this guiding formula of prayer and bore witness to its validity. He sat back in his large leather chair and, with a smile, responded, “The same formula that has worked for you has blessed the lives of my family during all the years of our marriage.”

Thomas S. Monson, “Hallmarks of a Happy Home,” Ensign, Nov 1988, 69

Sustain your husband. In speaking to missionaries, I frequently counsel them: “Love your companion. Make him a part of all you do. He may be short or tall, thin or fat, handsome or homely-but he’s all yours.” I think I need not elaborate on the analogy. Your husband is yours. Together you form a partnership with God. Your husband, as the priesthood bearer, is the head of the home. You, the helpmeet, are not the head, but just as important-the heart of the home.

Honor his priesthood, and he will respect your womanhood. Both husband and wife should appreciate that “woman was taken out of man, … not out of his feet to be trampled underfoot, but out of his side to be equal to him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be loved.” (M. Henry.)

Be patient, be tender, be loving, be considerate, be understanding, be your best self as you sustain your husband.

Thomas S. Monson, “The Women’s Movement: Liberation or Deception?,” Ensign, Jan 1971, 17

Happiness abounds when there is genuine respect one for another. Wives draw closer to their husbands, and husbands are more appreciative of their wives, and children are happy, as children are meant to be. Where there is respect in the home, children do not find themselves in that dreaded “never never land”-never the object of concern, never the recipient of proper parental guidance.

To those who are not yet married, I counsel: People who marry in the hope of forming a permanent partnership require certain skills and attitudes of mind. They must be skillful in adapting to each other. They need capacity to work out mutual problems. They need willingness to give and take in the search for harmony. They need unselfishness of the highest sort, with thought for one’s partner taking the place of desire for oneself.

Many years ago I had the opportunity to deliver a commencement address to a graduating class. I had gone to the home of President Hugh B. Brown that we might drive together to the university where he was to conduct the exercises and I was to speak. As President Brown entered my car, he said, “Wait a moment.” He looked toward the large bay window of his lovely home, and then I realized what he was looking for. The curtain parted, and I saw Sister Zina Brown, his beloved companion of well over fifty years, at the window, propped up in a wheelchair, waving a little white handkerchief. President Brown took from his inside coat pocket a white handkerchief, which he waved to her in return. Then, with a smile, he said to me, “Let’s go.”

As we drove, I asked President Brown to tell me about the sign of the white handkerchiefs. He related to me the following incident: “The first day after Sister Brown and I were married, as I went to work I heard a tap at the window, and there was Zina, waving a white handkerchief. I found mine and waved in reply. From that day until this I have never left my home without that little exchange between my wife and me. It is a symbol of our love one for another. It is an indication to one another that all will be well until we are joined together at eventide.” Yes, a model to follow, “an example of the believers

Thomas S. Monson, “‘An Example of the Believers’,” Ensign, Nov 1992, 97